I'm the slackest blogger!! Thought I better take the time tonight and do a quick update.
Currently 18w4d. My belly has well and truly popped..definitely looking pregnant. Well I think so anyway!! Button is starting to give me some more regular movements..slowly. Had a freak out before my last ob appointment (which was last Monday) thinking that she would do a scan and we would be in for bad news, thankfully this wasn't the case. Button was moving around, HR of 145BPM and currently weighing around 225g. All looking good! Phew!
We also asked our ob if she could take a little peek at the sex as DH will be away for the morph scan. At first Button played shy and wouldn't uncross their legs, but eventually they moved...and it's looking very much like Button is a BOY! Yup, I am destined to live in a household full of males.
DH of course is over the moon..what man wouldn't be?!? 2 little boys to show all his boy hobbies to. Me? An overwhelming sense of sadness came over me when the doctor said boy and I saw the boy bits on screen for myself. And then I just felt horrendously guilty for being sad. When we were TTC DS and going through IVF and the miscarriage I would read things about gender disappointment and it would make me so angry. How could you be sad about having a baby????? I mean, I would have given anything just to be pregnant...I wouldn't care about the sex.
But now here I am, feeling just a little bit sad that my natural miracle is in fact a boy instead of a girl like I was hoping for. Shame on me. I should be thankful that I am pregnant...and without the help of IVF this time. So many woman out there would be over the moon to have a baby...whether it be girl or boy. I feel like such a brat. BUT I can't help it. It's not that I am going to love this little boy any less. It's more that I am sad for the fact that I will never get to buy lots of beautiful girl things...dresses and dolls. I will never have a daughter and share a special mother daughter relationship with her. That's what is making me so sad.
I know the feeling won't last. I am very excited that DS will have a little brother so close in age. They are going to be great mates and get into lots of mischief together. I am glad that we once again decided to find out the sex now. It gives me time to get used to another boy. Otherwise I would have spent my entire pregnancy hoping for a girl and I can only imagine how I would have felt when it was announced at the birth that he was a he!
DH doesn't understand how I'm feeling. He thinks I should just be grateful that Button is healthy. And believe me, I am. Despite all the sad feelings about the gender, I am mostly just so thankful to be pregnant again.
Not feeling very Christmassy as DH is away at work and will be until after New Years. This is the first Christmas in 10 years that we have not been together to celebrate. It doesn't feel right at all. Missing him so very much. And I know it must be a million times worse for him..missing DS's first Christmas. Hoping we might be able to Skype tomorrow morning so we can see him for a little while.
DS and I will spend the day with my parents, sister and her fiancé. I'm glad I have family close by otherwise it would be one miserable Christmas.
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Merry Xmas!!! Don't feel guilty for feeling disappointed I think it's only natural. Doesn't mean you won't love this one as much. Hope you had a great day and got to talk to dh. Xxx