I'm the slackest blogger!! Thought I better take the time tonight and do a quick update.

Currently 18w4d. My belly has well and truly popped..definitely looking pregnant. Well I think so anyway!! Button is starting to give me some more regular movements..slowly. Had a freak out before my last ob appointment (which was last Monday) thinking that she would do a scan and we would be in for bad news, thankfully this wasn't the case. Button was moving around, HR of 145BPM and currently weighing around 225g. All looking good! Phew!

We also asked our ob if she could take a little peek at the sex as DH will be away for the morph scan. At first Button played shy and wouldn't uncross their legs, but eventually they moved...and it's looking very much like Button is a BOY! Yup, I am destined to live in a household full of males.

DH of course is over the moon..what man wouldn't be?!? 2 little boys to show all his boy hobbies to. Me? An overwhelming sense of sadness came over me when the doctor said boy and I saw the boy bits on screen for myself. And then I just felt horrendously guilty for being sad. When we were TTC DS and going through IVF and the miscarriage I would read things about gender disappointment and it would make me so angry. How could you be sad about having a baby????? I mean, I would have given anything just to be pregnant...I wouldn't care about the sex.

But now here I am, feeling just a little bit sad that my natural miracle is in fact a boy instead of a girl like I was hoping for. Shame on me. I should be thankful that I am pregnant...and without the help of IVF this time. So many woman out there would be over the moon to have a baby...whether it be girl or boy. I feel like such a brat. BUT I can't help it. It's not that I am going to love this little boy any less. It's more that I am sad for the fact that I will never get to buy lots of beautiful girl things...dresses and dolls. I will never have a daughter and share a special mother daughter relationship with her. That's what is making me so sad.

I know the feeling won't last. I am very excited that DS will have a little brother so close in age. They are going to be great mates and get into lots of mischief together. I am glad that we once again decided to find out the sex now. It gives me time to get used to another boy. Otherwise I would have spent my entire pregnancy hoping for a girl and I can only imagine how I would have felt when it was announced at the birth that he was a he!

DH doesn't understand how I'm feeling. He thinks I should just be grateful that Button is healthy. And believe me, I am. Despite all the sad feelings about the gender, I am mostly just so thankful to be pregnant again.

Not feeling very Christmassy as DH is away at work and will be until after New Years. This is the first Christmas in 10 years that we have not been together to celebrate. It doesn't feel right at all. Missing him so very much. And I know it must be a million times worse for him..missing DS's first Christmas. Hoping we might be able to Skype tomorrow morning so we can see him for a little while.

DS and I will spend the day with my parents, sister and her fiancé. I'm glad I have family close by otherwise it would be one miserable Christmas.

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A Terrible Blogger

Again, its been awhile since my last post. Not that it really matters as I don't think I have many readers! This is more for me anyway.

Today I am 15w2d. Well into the 2nd trimester. Morning sickness seems to have eased (touch wood) but my energy has yet to return! My belly has definitely popped. I was comparing shots from last pregnancy with this belly and right now my belly is as big as my 22 week belly when I was pregnant with DS!!! Bit worried as to how big I will actually get this time round!

I have felt a few little flutters but it hasn't happened often, just a handful of times. Cannot wait for the movement to happen more regularly to put my mind at ease that everything is ok with Button.

Had the NT scan a few weeks ago. Hubby ended up not having to stay back at work (yay) so he made it to the scan. Was lovely to see Button again kicking and moving about. They were not very cooperative and it took the tech ages to get all the measurements. Didn't get any good pictures of bub either which I was a bit sad about. We have so many good ones from DS's scan-he was very well behaved. Also this bub had their legs tightly crossed the whole time..hope this doesn't continue as we really want to find out the sex.

Ob appointment revealed that I am low risk for downs and the other things they test for with the NT scan and blood work. Ob tried to take a look at the sex of bub but wasn't able to tell. Total opposite of DS! We knew from about 13/14 weeks with him..he always seemed to have his legs wide open for us to see that he was most definitely a boy! Hopefully our ob will be able to take a better look at our next appointment on the 17th December. Otherwise we will have to wait another few weeks for our morph scan! I really hope bub will cooperate at some stage.

Am still waiting for HR at work to get back to me. Called again this week and they still hadn't heard from the manager. Frustrating as I need to prepare myself (and DS) if I a, going back to work for a few months. Part of me hopes that I can't get more paid leave and I can just quit. It would make life easier in most respects (well except financially). Have worked out that mum will care for DS while I am at work if it does pan out that way. I only work 3 days so we can work my work days around hers (or vice versa). Makes me feel a lot better if I do have to leave him. Much rather he be with his Nanna than in a daycare centre. And then the weeks that hubby is home, he can care for him and give mum a break.

DS is almost 11 months old. I cannot believe he will be 1 in a little over a month!! Scary! I ordered his birthday party invitations last night. We are just having a small party in the park. Just family and close friends. Nice and simple. No point going over the top when he won't even remember it! I guess it's more for me than him at this stage! Will just have some morning tea and drinks, a cake and some balloons. Hopefully it won't be too hot.

And of course Christmas is rapidly approaching! I have started my shopping so hopefully will be done before it gets too crazy at the shops. When DH comes home next week we are going to take DS to get a photo with Santa (if he doesn't scream too much). I need to sort out some form of Christmas tree as ours is huge and I just know that DS will want to take all the decorations off and put them in his mouth! I'm thinking of doing something small that can sit on the dining room table out of reach of little hands. I've been trying to capture a photo of DS in his Christmas outfit for our Christmas cards with little success. He just won't stay still for long enough! I think it's a 2 person job...one to distract him and one to snap photos. I'm very close to giving up though!




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